How the first gift of Christmas proved me right

On Sunday after church as I was waiting for a roommate to stop flirting with a boy, a guy from another ward started chatting with me and another roommate. I was sitting on a table in the foyer and he came up to us, hugged me, and said "Hi, Tiny."

Not cool.

I lost no time in telling him that I did not appreciate this new name and he countered that when he saw me there were a lot of other words that came to mind as well. I told him that he should use one of those instead and he said that "Tiny" was efficient and nicknames are all about efficiency.

Efficiency? That's a bunch of crap. Nicknames are terms of endearment. You give nicknames to people you care about. Or people you hate.

This has been on my mind, and so this morning while breaking from my horrible project preparation, I looked up nickname (n) in my first Christmas gift:

I know Christmas is in a couple weeks still, but I knew what was in the box and I was so excited. Plus, my cousins who sent it are Jewish and it came during Hanukkah, so it could maybe be considered a Hanukkah present? Either way, thanks Eli and Nate (and mostly Michael)! I'm thrilled.

So I used my gift, and this is what the lovely OED says about nicknames:

a. A name or appellation added to, or substituted for, the proper name of a person, place, etc., usually given in ridicule or pleasantry. Also, b. A familiar form of a Christian name.

Nothing at all about efficiency.

Most of my nicknames have been in some way a "familiar form of a Christian name" given in pleasantry. Or just given in pleasantry.

Allie, Allie-Allie-Oxen-Free, Commodore, Al, Mittens, and my personal favorite, A-Dawg.

None are efficient, but all are endearing. And I respond to them. But I will not respond to anything in reference to my size. At least, not from most people.